[Ennui.]

Hey,

You mentioned that if you ever needed help you could talk to a therapist. Is that something your mom offered? I would strongly encourage taking her up on that offer. Therapists are great because they offer unbiased advice and do not judge you. They entered the profession because they care about you and want to see you get better. If you're up front about the self harm from the beginning they might not have to tell your mom every single time you engage in self harm as long as they don't think you're at risk of doing something worse or don't think you're in need of medical attention.

I think the important thing is developing healthier coping mechanisms so you no longer have to rely on self harm. Maybe if you show that you are making an active effort to stop self harming your mom will give you your phone back. Here is a list of tons of alternatives you can try when you have the urge to self harm. If one doesn't work for you, you can try another one. It may also take using one alternative multiple times to get it to stick. Try a few different ones because having multiple coping mechanisms under your belt can help if one doesn't work in the moment.

For the scars, if your mom is willing to take you to a dermatologist or even your primary care doctor, there are ointments out there that they can prescribe that are supposed to reduce the appearance of the scars. I haven't used any of them myself but maybe that will help?