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I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that you are addicted to self harm. It sounds like it started as a way of coping when you were little and got more severe from there. Just like with a substance, we crave the release we get when we self harm and it's almost like a "high." It feels good. Sometimes we crave doing it again or doing it more often or more severely than we have before because we are addicted to it. So for you it might have gone past the coping mechanism stage to a full blown addiction. It doesn't make you a bad person and you're not in the wrong for not wanting pity for self harming.

While I can't encourage you to self harm, I do understand that you have to feel ready to stop. I will encourage harm reduction when you are self harming, such as making sure the tools you use to self harm are clean and you are using proper wound care techniques after the fact to prevent infection. [url="http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-self-harm/t145-first-aid-information/"]This [/URL ]thread links some first aid information that you might find useful and gives tips on when to seek medical attention if it ever goes too far.

I'm sorry that your parents reacted the way they did. I was called attention seeking for self harming and grounded as well. But they did get me into therapy. Do you think that would be something your parents would be willing to do? My therapists never reported every single time I self harmed to my parents, but they would have to report things if they thought I was in danger of seriously harming myself or other people. They might be able to get to the root of why you are engaging in self injurious behavior, wihch may help you stop in the future if you so choose to.