[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

Self harm definitely is an addiction, and like any other addiction you eventually crave it all the time and need more and more of it to feel the same satisfaction you did when you first started out. So it's definitely understandable that you are feeling the way you do.

The longest I've gone without self harm recently is when I threw out my tools. I was in a group therapy setting and the clinician gave me the option of giving her the self harm tools as well as anything I could use for suicide and I did. It kind of forces you to stop and think because in the moment if you want to self harm you'll have to buy the tools all over again and by the time they arrive the urge has gone down. If you can throw out your tools in an outdoor trash can (they're generally grosser than indoor trash cans in my opinion so you're less likely to dig them out) that's an option, or give them to a trusted friend or family member who can hold you accountable.

I'm not saying you DON'T put in effort, and this is something I need to remind myself of too, but nothing will change unless you put in the work. Of course it's gonna suck and it's much easier to give in and self harm instead of urge surfing or using a coping mechanism. Doing something other than what you're used to is uncomfortable and the urges can be so intense. But try anyway. Even if you use a coping mechanism one day and forget to use it the next, that's still one day less that you've self harmed and you can be proud of yourself for skipping the self harm that time. It's something I need to remind myself of too, because I still self harm too. So definitely don't consider me perfect by any means.