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First, welcome back!

I'm 27 years old and never really stopped self harming, so I totally get feeling immature. But sometimes people go back to what they know and what gave them comfort in the past, even if it wasn't a healthy coping mechanism to begin with. There's some comfort in what you know.

I want to say that even though you had a relapse it doesn't erase all of the amazing progress you made. 12 years is fantastic and you should be so proud of yourself! It shows that you can get through this and make it another 12 years and then even longer after that.

Sometimes we have to take things one day at a time, or even one minute at a time. One thing that some people do when it comes to self harm is say "I'll self harm in five minutes if I still feel like this." Then they see that they made it five minutes, and they say "I'll wait another five minutes," and so on. Put it off for longer and longer, because the urge will fade with time. It's hard to wait, so definitely try and find things to do to fill your time while you're putting it off.

This is a list of alternatives you can try. There are a ton there so if one doesn't work for you, there are plenty more to try. Write down the ones that work best for you. My favorite alternative is the TIP skill. Change the temperature by using an ice pack, taking a cold shower, or dunking your head in cold water. The I is for intense exercise. There are technically two Ps, one is progressive muscle relaxation and one is paced breathing. I gravitate towards the change in temperature the most. I have a migraine cap I put on my head.

I know you'll get back on track! This is just a temporary bump in the road.

Best wishes,
Dez