[Celyn]

I know this is late but just wanted to drop by and say try not to let your diagnosis get in the way of dating.

While being autistic may mean that you haven't dated much before and perhaps haven't had much social success in general, it doesn't mean that it's impossible. You may feel naturally more at ease with other neurodivergent or 'different' people, which may make it easier to be yourself (and in turn, others may be at ease with you) allowing you to get to know others better, potentially leading to relationships.

I don't think it matters too much that you haven't dated before. Given that the majority of the population may not be autistic, the advice you find online might not be helpful to you, especially if it's vague or you can't relate to it. Dating and relationships can sometimes be difficult to give advice on because everyone is different. What one person might be happy to do on a first date, others might wait a bit longer. For things like holding hands, I think you can either wait for the other person to take the lead, or do it if and when you want to. You don't have to hold hands or do things that you don't want to do and there isn't really a right time to do things either. Just do what feels best for you.

As for flirting, while you probably could find tips on how to flirt and what to say online, sometimes flirting might seem to happen almost naturally when both you and the other person are interested in each other and you notice you might tease each other or make jokes, use double entendres etc. These happen within the context of whatever you are talking about (e.g. talking about the weather, stating that you're cold and the other person asks if they can warm you up (give a hug)), as opposed to following a flirting script you've seen online (although that could work too). It would only be creepy if you're trying to flirt a lot and the other person doesn't reciprocate. But otherwise, flirting can be seen as just a bit of fun. And if flirting isn't working for you at the moment, are there other things you could do that let the other person know you are interested in them?

It's entirely your decision when to tell the person you are autistic. Some people might disclose their autism before the date or on the first date so that the other person knows from the start. Others might wait until they get to know the other person more and can trust them. I also think it can be helpful to think about the possible reactions you might get. For example, you might have to explain what autism is or how it affects you, if the other person doesn't know much about autism. The other person should try to be understanding and accepting of you just as you are!

I think your date ideas are lovely. You've got a good balance of an activity but also with opportunities to talk. It's natural to be nervous about considering something as a date, and it's okay if you do get anxious. But you've chosen light hearted activities which might help you to feel at ease. And if you do freeze up, you can always tell your date that you are feeling anxious or overwhelmed.

Learning that you are autistic, especially when you are older, can feel life changing. It's natural that you would want to take time to learn what it means for you and perhaps not feel ready to open up to others (and not everyone needs to know). If friends/family are invested in your dating life and want to know why you haven't asked this person out, you could just say that you are anxious, don't know how to ask the person out, you've not dated before and have concerns about that etc. You don't have to say that you are autistic, but you could describe some of the struggles you are having (if you wanted to tell them, that is).