[Dawn.]

Hi there,
I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing this.
As Ennui. has said, how you are feeling is completely valid as it certainly is a hard situation to be in.
I would also try and limit the amount of contact that I would have with him to help the feelings you have for your friend pass, if that's something you would like to do. It will take time, so give yourself some credit. It may be difficult at first, but it may help you avoid all of the other negative feelings you are experiencing.
I hope this helped and if you ever need anything, my inbox is always open.