[NeuroBeautiful]

So the iop I was going to turned out to not only not be a good fit for me but the therapist I was assigned 1:1 turned out to be highly unprofessional to which I've filed a formal complaint which took about 2 weeks to try to even do. I've been trying to get my proof of diagnosis and psychosocial evaluation from the iop therapist for about 6 weeks. I lost count but I basically was trying to get it done while still in the iop. The paperwork is so that I can be admitted to a day program that has an employment track and I want to work with an employment specialist who can help me maintain a full time job by the two of us checking in 2x a month and working through challenges that arise at work related to mental health or just navigating full time work and balancing it with the rest of my responsibilities, things like that. I desperately need this service after leaving my last full time job due to distress.

Both me and my case worker have been calling the agency of the iop and we both have been sent around being transferred and told to call back or told they'll call us back and never called us back. I need my documents and apparently the records department soesnt have it because the iop should have it? That's a little strange because it is all part of one agency. Either way I really need these documents and I'm almost about to file a 2nd grievance about the same therapist!!

I cannot prove thid but the way she has been coercive, punitive and unprofessional and that led me to filing my first complaint, I wouldn't be surprised if she is actually retaliating or just not bothering doing something for someone who no longer attends the program even though I have been telling her it is something I will need since the first week I attended the iop. She kept saying no problem, we will get that done when the time comes.

I am scared to start a new full time job without support. I have been bullied at my last job. I believe if I have had coaching from an employment specialist I would maybe would still leave that job but I would have had an easier transition finding the next job and I would have been able to develop my coping and advocacy skills a bit more to possibly stay at that job till the end of the year even with the bullying because I would maybe look at options of requesting a transfer to a different classroom or be taught how to speak to my supervisor more firmly about what's going on. I didn't admit it was bullying until a couple of weeks ago. I tried so hard to make it work. I realize how horrible it was and that it wasn't my fault. Maybe I could have regulated my emotions better but I was hired with the knowledge that I am entry level assistant so if they wanted someone with more experience they should have hired someone else instead of hiring me and then lasting out due to disappointment that I'm not who they want me to be. There was a stark difference in how my lead teacher viewed me and how my supervisor viewed me. My supervisor knows I'm only trying my best with the skills I have and she accepted me as I am. My lead teacher was out of control with how angry she was at things I couldn't change overnight or even at all. She often was not in the classroom due to meetings and when she would return she would react in harshly to me in front of the children. The children didn't respect me at all and the other teachers didn't respect me. I felt alone on a battlefield fending for myself. I felt small and like one of the children when I knew I had to be the adult. I couldn't help the emotional states I would slip into because when though I could try to slow down the speed I was still mentally and emotionally and spiritually deteriorating. It wasn't something I could switch off and just cope better. There was something severely wrong with that work environment. I was unwelcome there and it was clear and I was being bullied by the staff. The preschoolers misbehaved and seemed to target me whereas they generally did see the other teachers as authority. I didn't have the teacher presence nor the confidence. i was miserable and felt I will never belong and thst I'm not good at anything.

I still feel sad and stressed by what had happened. I dont think taking on an assistant role in a new school would solve everything. I still want and need the support. But the therapist hadn't done her part and I need those documents.

The fact that I have multiple mental health diagnosis and recently was diagnosed by that iop therapist with autism means that I should be able to get supports in place to make sustaining employment more likely to be successful but she being unreachable by both me and the case worker trying to reach her means that I can't get my needs met. If she does not complete the documents and send them over soon I will have to make an appointment to see another psychiatrist even though I had just seen a psychiatrist at this iop and that psychiatrist said she will sign the paperwork but that the therapist is the one to send everything over.

It is driving me nuts because all I want to do is have my basic needs met like holding a job, making an income so I can pay my bills because right now I have zero income. I am actually living off of my savings right now in order to pay rent, food, therapy with a therapist out of pocket etc Yeah finding an in-person therapist who takes my insurance has been tough too. But right now I'm just trying to focus on getting job support so I can feel a little more at ease about even accepting a full time job offer if I am offered it. I'm going to interviews and everything. I'm just terrified.