[NeuroBeautiful]

I am sorry
Though I do not know why
I feel the guilt bubbling inside.

I am sorry
Though I do not know how,
how I became so afraid
to eat
to be present
to be alive
How did I learn that I will never belong
every space I occupy, every ounce of oxygen I breathe
is all a big mistake
How did I become so ashamed of my existence?

I am sorry
Though I do not know when
Since when did setting boundaries feel so wrong?
As babies we are born unafraid to express our needs
When did it start to feel so impossible and so unnatural?

I am sorry
Though I do not know who
To whom do I need to apologize?
Perhaps to myself
For the self-loathing I put myself through
For the toxic shame I collapse into
For hiding and denying my needs

I am sorry
Though I do not know if
I can forgive myself
or learn to love myself.



This is my first poem written in a REALLY long time!