[TH Anonymous]

[SIZE="a"]I am attending an intensive outpatient program during the week. There is a minimum requirement to attend my registered groups/1:1 appointments but I also I have the ability to drop-in if I need more support. However right now I notice I struggle the most when it is the weekend and I will have a to-do list that includes errands but I will procrastinate on those tasks and I think it is because I'm afraid to finish it and still have half a day left and then I will be bored and like "now what?" so I kind of not even start until the pressure to finish is on and I don't get through everything. This is a cycle that goes way back to my early elementary school years. I developed this out of fear of being bored mainly because as a kid we rely on our caregivers to help us when we are bored but I was not supported in that so I developed these behaviors to avoid having to be bored and work through it.

This is something that fuels my depression and anxiety though. I know there is value in some amount of boredom and not being busy all the time but I think having a little more structure around interest-based activities can help.

I can get into a flow of running errands but it is like I can't function unless I have a few steps ahead planned out. Otherwise my anxiety gets so high and I do aimless wandering procrastination and avoidance behaviors all day long.

I feel like it isn't talked about enough, how to figure out a flow or leisure and recreational or self-directed interests. Because you'd think humans innately know these things and find the less interesting tasks the hard part. For me if it doesn't feel smoothe in a systematic format, it is like my brain glitches and I can't even do things I enjoy that require a higher level cognitive labor. I end up watching tv or scrolling on the internet or just like no energy and sleep a lot more.
I can maintain a well organized system but creating one out of scratch is overwhelming.[/size]