[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

I don't think there is any rush to hold hands or anything like that, and it doesn't even have to be on a first or second date. I think the first few dates can be used to get the vibe down and see how things flow. You can even ask for consent before doing certain activities for the first time, such as hand holding or kissing. Instincts might take over a little bit where things feel right as well, and sometimes it's okay to take a chance and follow what your instincts are telling you, especially about something like hand holding.

I think that telling them about being autistic is up to you. You make a good point that they'd get to know you more without the perception of you being autistic. They'd know that you're a cool person either way. But if you tell this person beforehand, they can support you as a friend while you work up to asking them out.

I think either going to a movie and coffee or to mini putting is a good idea. Another option is bowling. They're all low-pressure ideas for a first date, which might help.