[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]i just feel like im supposed to be more depressed. idk why.
and recently my mother kind of stopped with the physical abuse but she still is shitty. shes so weird and she hates my sister man what did she do to you. when she tries to talk with her my mom always goes ugh im so tired just leave me alone! and like. she treats my older rbother so much better. she laughs at every single joke he makes, she never really yells at him, even tho he makes so many mistakes. what did i do for u to treat me worse than him? and she calls me names. and my sister especially. she says that my sister is an idiot, that shes stupid, and stuff like that. when my sister tells her to stop she replies with "thats just who you are". she is fucking twelve years old. she did nothing wrong. let her live in peace like u let my older brother. my mother called me a name today for me being skinny. that word doesnt exist in the english language tho. im just so sick an tired of them, i would go out of the house but im so anxious around other people i hate going out bc the idea of seeing people in real life makes me so scared. i cant focus in class anymore, most of the time i just sleep bc my brain just does not function anymore. why did she even give birth to me and my sisters if she was gonna treat us like shit and hate anyway. and the sudden stop of physical abuse is so weird to me too. when i make a mistake, im used to being physicall hurted, so its weird if i dont. if i raise my voice at her a bit too much i get anxious i expect her to yell and hit me, and if she doesnt, i do it to myself. its not like her hits hurt anyway. so i just wish she would hit me more than yell at me 24/7, it hurts less to me. i hate going to school bc i cant focus in class anyway and never feel safe around other people, but nor do i at home.[/size][/color][/font]