[Kate*]

I don't want to do this and the nerves are finally setting in. I have to accept that, as obvious as it is to me and everyone else, I will never be what you want, and that you can be a decent human in a lot of ways, while still screwing me over. Unless I end up hating this, if it were ever back on the table, you would have to match or do better and in writing, for me to even consider it.

First set of training/shift in the books, and anxiety is still going strong for no reason. I just want to be settled in with consistent schedules so t can calm down.

I really hope tomorrow is all, or at least mostly, the basic, boring computer crap I have to do on the clock. Fear of the unknown, change in routine, and working on what used to be days off is a lot at once.