[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

Honestly, I agree with a lot of what you have said here. I tell other people not to self harm all the time and then do it myself too, and I'm also around my parents for a good chunk of the day so I always have someone checking in on me making sure I am not self destructing. I also put things "inwards" instead of expressing them outwardly, although I still do cry at almost everything. And you're right that there is comfort in the sadness and pain because it is so familiar. That's what keeps me coming back to it too.

We can learn all of the tools in the world to better ourselves, but we have to be ready to use them. Do you think you also don't feel ready to use the tools you've learned in therapy? I think that's what holds me back, I don't feel ready or motivated to use what I've been taught.