[Ragamuffin]

EDIT - I meant to post this in the rape and abuse forum. If someone could move it for me, that would be much appreciated.

I’ve been very reluctant to share my experience and I’m still not sure if I’m ready but I need to let this out somewhere.

In October 2019, I (19 at the time) got into a relationship with a coworker (32m). Right from the start, it didn’t really feel right. He would try and pressure me into letting him perform sexual acts on me, and would guilt trip me if I said no. I eventually relented because he made me believe it was what loving couples were supposed to do, though not really enjoyable and I felt very uncomfortable doing it. I found out about a month into the relationship that he already had a girlfriend who was having his baby, and that I was only his side piece. I confronted him about it and he denied it. I was too scared to end the relationship for a while, as he could get quite nasty and I had also found out he had a history of violence towards an ex girlfriend. However, I eventually plucked up the courage to break up with him in January 2020. I tried to end it as amicably as possible because I still had to see him every day at work, but I ended up leaving that job at the end of summer. I moved away and cut all contact with him.

I’ve tried my best to try and move on but it still affects me 4 years later and it can be really hard to deal with. I don’t really have anyone I can speak to about this. My parents sort of know but I’m too embarrassed to go into too much detail and they don’t really know how much it affects me. It had an impact on my relationships and I’m not sure if I’ll ever be in a happy, healthy relationship because it is so hard to trust anyone. I feel so angry because he never received any comeuppance for his actions, while I have to live with the gross things he did to me every day.