[Moxie.]

Hi Paxton,

Thank you for reaching out to us at TeenHelp!

I can definitely understand why this is a tricky situation to navigate. Even though you ended the relationship, it does sound like you care about this girl and want to handle things in a kind, compassionate manner. That says a lot about you and the type of person that you are.

Unfortunately, we can't control the way others feel about us or the way they respond to the ending of a relationship. In your case, it sounds like this girl is unwilling to accept the fact that the relationship is truly over and that you aren't interested in starting it up again. Based on what you've shared, I'd say that you have done as much as you can in terms of communicating your feelings about the situation with her.

Going forward, setting firm boundaries is definitely the way to go. You can let her know that, while you do care about her, continuing to have conversations about the ending of your relationship isn't healthy for either of you. Depending on whether or not you still want to have her in your life as a friend, you can tell her that a friendship will only work if there are no further conversations about the relationship. You could say something along the lines of "Even though things didn't work out with us, I still think you're a great person and would like to continue a friendship if that's something that you're open to. But, for that to work, we can't keep having conversations about the ending of our relationship. I made the decision that was best for me and continuing to talk about it isn't healthy for either of us. We both need to move on and that can't happen if it keeps coming up. Because of that, I won't be responding to any texts or engaging in further conversation about that topic.". If you choose to set that boundary, make sure you stay firm with it! It's vital that she respect the boundaries that you set.

If staying friends doesn't seem like an option, you may also want to consider going no-contact with her. Going no-contact doesn't need to be a permanent solution if you don't want it to be! But, even doing it for a bit can help make the situation easier to navigate for both of you. If you choose this route, that means no text messages, phone calls, or intentional conversations with her. Of course, if you end up in a situation where you can't avoid being in the same space as her, such as church or school, I would definitely encourage you to be polite and cordial in any conversation with her. In those instances, simply keep it as minimal as possible, with your focus being on small talk. You may also want to find ways to remove yourself from those conversations as quickly as possible, just to ensure that she doesn't get the wrong idea and think that she can go back to texting you often.

I hope this helped! It's a tricky situation to navigate, but you've got this! Please feel free to respond to this thread or send me a PM if you'd like to talk about this further.

Take care,
Sam