[Moxie.]

Hi there,

Welcome to TeenHelp! You did this right! In terms of sharing, don't worry about oversharing. You are always welcome to share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with, as long as it's appropriate for the site!

I can definitely understand how painful it can be to have your dad yelling at you regularly. I experienced something similar when I was younger and I know that it's emotionally draining. Even beyond being yelled at, it's so challenging when you want to make your father proud, but constantly feel like you're falling short of that.

Would it be possible to set aside some time with your dad when he's in a good mood to have a conversation with him about this? If you feel like it would be helpful, perhaps you could also ask your mom or another trusted family member or adult to be present for the conversation in a mediator role. Having that would ensure that no one is able to react with an outburst and gives both you and your dad the opportunity to be heard. If you do choose to have a conversation with him, do your best not to come across as accusatory, as that can often make people react emotionally. Instead, you could calmly let him know how it makes you feel when he yells at you. Using "I" statements, such as "I feel _______ when I'm being yelled at" is a great route to go with this, as it keeps the blame off of him. You may also want to consider asking questions, such as whether there is anything that you could work on improving to make him happier or if there is something bigger going on that is causing him stress. Make sure to listen and give your dad equal opportunity to talk.

If having a face-to-face conversation with your dad feels too daunting, you may want to consider writing him a letter. In the letter, you can write about how you're feeling and let him know that you would appreciate being able to sit down with him and have a calm, respectful conversation about it. Writing the letter may also help you get a baseline for what you want to communicate with him or expand on when you do have the conversation.

When your father is having an outburst, is there something you can do to remove yourself from the situation? For instance, would you be able to go for a walk through your neighborhood or call a friend to see if you can go to their house for a bit? Removing yourself from the negative environment caused by your father's outburst can be incredibly beneficial, as it allows you to remain in a more positive headspace and gives him time to deescalate.

Something that is equally important is ensuring that you have a healthy outlet for your emotions. While crying is definitely okay, having a way to express your emotions can also help regulate your emotions. For example, you could journal about how you're feeling, do something artistic, or listen to music that helps you process how you're feeling. It may also be helpful to reach out to a friend or someone that you trust to talk about how you're feeling and receive support.

I hope this helped some! Please feel free to respond to this thread or shoot me a PM if you want to talk about this further.

Take care,
Sam