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Hey,

Welcome to the site! You did do this right.

Do you think you could have a mediated conversation with your father about this? What I mean by mediated is that you sit down with your dad as well as someone like a teacher, guidance counselor, other trusted adult. The trusted adult serves as a guide and helps keep the conversation calm and trending in a positive direction. A conversation like this allows you to express how your father's anger and outbursts makes you feel, and if you know what you want or need from your father instead of anger, it gives you a chance to say that as well. For example, you can say "I feel hurt/sad/upset/etc when this happens. In the future, can we talk about what's bothering us instead?" Try to use "I statements" like what I just told you instead of "you statements," which may make him feel defensive and less receptive to what you have to say. The person you choose to mediate the conversation can also help you word what you want to say before you all sit down together. If you can't find someone to sit down with you you can also have this conversation alone, but only do that if you feel safe to do so. If it will put you in danger or you think the situation will become worse, avoid doing it.

Is there anywhere private you can go when your father has his outbursts? For example, can you take a walk during the day or go to your room or the bathroom until things cool down a little? Try not to engage with him by doing things like arguing back, because that can fuel the fire. Walking away allows the situation to deescalate.

It's okay to cry, but do you have other outlets for your emotions? For example, you can write, do art, exercise, listen to or make music, cook or bake, or do something else as a healthy way of expressing your emotions. It helps so you don't have to bottle everything up inside.

You also said you feel lonely. Do you think you can join clubs, sports, or social groups in school or around town to meet other people? It helps because it gets you out of the house and also allows you to meet people who you may have something in common with.

I hope things improve for you soon!

Take care,
Dez