[Hellohi]

(warning self harm mentions & porn addiction is mentioned at the end)
I'm a bit scared to post this because I don't wanna shadow posts of people who are definitely struggling. But I think there is something wrong with me...
When I was eleven I was starving myself and neglecting regularly due to a mix of different feelings. Ever since I've turned thirteen (I'm almost fourteen now) I started scratching myself withedited when I felt very emotional and couldn't make out my own feelings. Some months are more miserable and I cry multiple times a week in them because of hopelessness. I cry when people say something they weren't aware hurts me personally because I'm struggling in silence with some things. Like about porn addiction, homophobic things, and stuff like that. Because some things go much deeper for me than they think. Sometimes I just cry because life sucks. Sometimes I think about what would happen If I killed myself. I'm such a crybaby, for seemingly no reason. I might be mental, or have depression. But I've never seen a specialist. I have violent thoughts sometimes. What should I do when I'm sad instead of hurt myself? Just what should I do? I've been unmotivated, and starved myself often for a few years. But it has never been so severe. I didn't even know in words why I was hard on myself at first, I just did it, but now I know. I feel like this all bad for my health. I'm weak, unmotivated, and sad all the time and have been
a bit underweight multiple times and still cut a bit close. Porn addiction use to make me hurt myself a little for a while, I thought it was problematic and I felt ashamed and mad at myself. Well eh I stopped letting it bother me and now I usually treat it like no big deal when it comes to my health. I get h*rny regularly and it takes the same amount of time to masturbate without it. The only concern I have when I watch porn, I find myself interested in weird fetishes I usually don't care about when I'm masturbating without it. Also I pretty much stop using porn as long as I try to partake in hobbies instead of be unmotivated. Which usually isn't the case when I'm feeling depressed...

You can ignore the addiction part if anyone replies this. It isn't really the point.

Thank you.