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Hey,

I'm sorry that your mom is having these health problems. I understand that as both of my parents have had a lot of health issues and continue to smoke and just make unhealthy lifestyle choices.

Does your mom have any siblings, parents, cousins, etc, who may be concerned about her health as well? There's strength in numbers so maybe having someone else talk to her along with you can help her realize that multiple people are worried about her and love her, and would hate to see anything bad happen to her.

If you and another family member, or even you just solo, talk to her, try not to place blame on her or make it seem like anything is her fault, even if she does smoke or make poor choices. If you make it seem like it is her fault, she is less likely to take you seriously and is more likely to get defensive. Instead, state, "I am worried because of some concerning symptoms you have had lately. I am afraid to lose you, so can you please get it checked?" You may even want to try and find out from her why she is not seeking help. For example, is it fear? Sometimes when we are afraid of the outcome, we avoid dealing with it to begin with. As the false saying goes, "what we don't know can't hurt us." If you know the cause of her not seeking help, you may be able to tailor your actions to cover that more.

Besides trying to convince her to go to the ER, try and remind her that she is loved and that you will be there for her to the best of your ability if she needs it. She should know that she's loved and cared for.

Unfortunately, since she is an adult, there's not a ton you can do to force her to get help. If she was unconscious, was at risk of harming herself or other people, or wasn't in her right mind, it would be possible to force her into going to the hospital with an EMT or paramedic, at least in the US. As long as she is conscious and has her faculties, she has the right to refuse treatment. And it does hurt a lot when a parent or loved one refuses treatment like that, or doesn't make the necessary lifestyle changes. But, if you've tried talking to her and convincing her, a lot of it is out of your hands.

Try and remind yourself that you are doing the best you can with a difficult situation, and make sure you're taking care of yourself too. You're a great daughter for trying to look out for your mom and for sharing your concerns with her. After a tough call with your mom, try and find things to do to relax and take care of yourself, even if it's something simple like taking a warm shower and putting on your favorite movie. The stress of having a sick parent can be a lot, so it's important to make sure it doesn't get overwhelming

I hope this helps a little! Best wishes to you and your mom.