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I’ve moved this to rape and abuse because of the abuse surrounding your older sister and how it is impacting you now. If you have any questions let me know!

I’m so sorry about what happened when you were younger. It wasn’t your fault at all and you did not deserve it. Have you spoken with a therapist or another trusted adult about what happened when you were 8? Someone like a therapist can help you really process what happened to you and reach you coping mechanisms for when you are triggered.

I think there’s nothing wrong with you and you’re not a bad person for not being ready. I think a lot of what is going on is related to the trauma you went through as a child. It can lead to some bad memories and anxiety surrounding sexual activities.

Does your boyfriend know what happened to you? You don’t have to explain anything you’re not comfortable with but it might help him better understand why you reacted the way you did.

Even if you don’t tell him what happened maybe you can think of some things that would help you feel more comfortable with sex. You don’t have to force yourself to do anything you aren’t ready for yet, but is there anything that would make you more comfortable such as him saying a certain phrase or touching you in a certain way? It seems like he’s very respectful of your needs though, and that’s a huge plus.

Try to reassure yourself that you are safe now and that you deserve to live a happy life. Maybe find some ways to practice self care like taking a warm bath or shower, coloring, or lighting your favorite candle. You can also express how you feel through writing, art, or music.

You can get through this! Take things slowly if you need to. You’ll get there.