[Moxie.]

Hi Velma,

Thank you for reaching out to us on TeenHelp!

Relationships can be complicated and it sounds like you're definitely struggling with that right now. Based on what you've described, it sounds like you and your boyfriend have different views and expectations about what a relationship should look like and how the other person should be treated. Is this something you've talked to him about? If not, I would definitely recommend doing so. It's possible that your boyfriend doesn't realize how his actions are making you feel. While it's easy to slip into the mentality that our partners should just be able to figure it out, by not openly communicating about the ways his actions are bothering you, you aren't giving him the opportunity to course correct.

Since the two of you recently got back together, it really is an opportune time to have a conversation like that. You could say something along the lines of "If we're going to try this again, I think we both need to set clear expectations for what we want and need in this relationship". If he's open to having that conversation, take some time to explain the impact that what you've shared with us has had on you. Be mindful about your tone when you talk to him about it. If you sound accusatory or overly critical, it may make him less receptive and less likely to really hear what you have to say. Instead, frame it as something you've noticed. For instance, you could say something like "I've noticed that you've been playing your new game a lot recently. I'm glad you've found something that you're excited about, but the amount of time you've spent playing it has left me feeling a little bit pushed aside. I would really appreciate it if we could set aside designated time to talk or hang out without your game coming into play". You can take the same approach when it comes to discussing him saying things on your behalf or not showing an interest in the things that you're excited about.

At the same time, I would encourage you to be open to hearing what he has to say as well. The key to a healthy relationship is compromise and a willingness from both people to work on it. You mentioned that he has talked about being hurt by the breakup. Give him space to talk about that and share what it was that hurt him. Ask him about his needs and what you can do to help make the hurt from the breakup lessen over time. It would also be beneficial for him to share any needs or expectations that he has about the relationship and discuss what you can do to meet those.

Conversations like what I've described above can definitely be difficult. The important thing to remember going into it is that the conversation is happening in an effort to make the relationship work. Be as respectful as possible of each other and do your best to avoid arguing about anything that is said. Instead, make an effort to understand his perspective and encourage him to do the same for you. If one or both of you aren't willing to put in the effort to grow together, it may be a sign that this isn't the right time for this particular relationship. If you are both willing to work on it, be patient. Change takes time, but it will ultimately lead to a happier, healthier relationship.

I hope this helped some! Feel free to respond to this thread or shoot me a PM if you have any other questions or need some guidance in framing the conversation.

Take care,
Sam