[velma]

i have some cousins around my own age but theyre all a lot more intense than me, theyre 2 girls. recently the entire family went on a trip together to try and get closer together and before that i hadnt seen my cousins or more-so talk to them in like 2-3 years(?) and i thought we'd all get along and become best friends or something which is embarrassing to admit after seeing them..
theyre all a lot more. 'mature' than me. they like to drink and smoke and i wouldnt be surprised if they were already sexually active.. and when im around them i feel like a brown stain on white clothes, i dont fit in at all.
they find my interests weird, or they would if they even tried to ask me about them.. theyre like popular girls who are sporty, and know how to do makeup, and are pretty theyre like gymrats and they love social media like instagram and tiktok. which is fine, but its none of the stuff i like and i was willing to put all that aside but they clearly have no interest in being around me, they just hang out with eachother. the most recent family gathering i brought my bf to and suddenly they kept trying to be around me and trying to initiate conversation (i didnt get the hint though.. so we didnt talk much) but them finding out i had been dating this guy longer than my (1 year) older cousin had been dating her boyfriend.. they looked shocked. as if i am just so weird how could i ever have a boyfriend for so long?? i dont know.. they dont really seem to like me until they notice im kind of a human being. but maybe im overthinking about this? id love to be friends with them and have them teach me makeup and how to be pretty and i could show them stuff like rock music or interesting storys about those rockstars (or how to dance bc those girls NEED IT. lol) but i feel like theyll never see me as more than the weird nerdy cousin.