[Mallika]

Hello there,

Thank you for reaching out and apologies for the delayed response. I'm glad that you reached out to us here at TeenHelp.

I'm so sorry that you've had to face bullying over a long period of time. No one deserves to go through this. I want to assure you that as humans, our experiences inevitably shape us and our perspectives, and your responses e.g. feeling scared, having chills run down your spine, are the different ways your mind reacts to triggers. The fact that you were bullied is not a reflection of who you are as a person, but rather of those that bullied. It can be hard to look through these layers of traumatising experiences, but as Ennui said, you are an invaluable part of this world and always will be. Unfortunately, many of the environments we are raised in are not always conducive for young children - fellow classmates, peers, etc. often are able to use their own will to bully others without being reprimanded.

The fact that you are looking at ways to move on and lead a life where you want to "break from the chains of fear" is the first step. Coming out here and expressing your deepest thoughts and asking for help is the first step towards moving on.

Because you've experienced bullying from such a young age, it might be helpful to visit a professional who can help you process these deeply-entrenched emotions. It is challenging to shed these fears overnight, but as with any kind of therapy, will take time and effort. You deserve to get help with this process, because it can be overwhelming to go through it all by yourself. If you are in a space where you have access to a counsellor, possibly that is a good place to start. If you are in school/university, there might be a counsellor or psychologist on staff. If you're working, you can either seek help from a professional in-person or virtually. While TeenHelp is an incredible resource, we are not licensed therapists. Websites like BetterHelp (https://www.betterhelp.com) have licensed therapists with whom you can interact virtually.

I wish you the very best in this journey towards healing. While I do not share the same experiences as you, I have dealt with a mental health condition for many years and made an immense recovery because I decided to seek help. Seeking help is the first step, and it is possible to lead a better life.

Please feel free to PM me if you have any questions!