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Hey,

I definitely understand wanting to tell your mom about this. It's a huge part of your life!

You said you don't know your mom's views and opinions on this. Is there anything you can do to kind of get a gauge on how she may react? For example, think of scenarios where there are gay or trans people in movies/TV shows, books, on the news, etc. Bring up something you've heard from one of those sources and see how she reacts. If she doesn't react well, you know that it may not be safe for you to come out right now. Hopefully she reacts well and shows that she may be a safe person to come out to.

You can either tell her in person or through a letter, text, email, etc. If you talk to her in person I would make sure she is in a good mood at the time and try and find somewhere the two of you can talk privately without interruptions. I'd start out by saying that you have something important to tell her and that you would appreciate it if she listened to what you have to say. Then you can explain that you are gay and trans and what this means to you. If there is anything she can do to support you, this is a good time to say this as well. Your mom might have questions for you, but only answer what you are comfortable with.

The option of telling her through something like a letter or text is also okay because it allows you to get everything out without nerves or interruptions getting in the way. She still may want to talk to you afterwards, but at least you have made your initial points to her. Think about everything you'd want her to know and try and put it in that letter. You can either hand it to her directly (or send the text) or leave it somewhere she'll find it but nobody you don't want knowing will.

I know you said that you live in a highly homophobic and transphobic state, and I am sorry to hear about that. Do you know if your school has any resources for LGBTQ+ students, such as a gay-straight alliance, or would that be something that wouldn't even be discussed where you are? If there are any resources around, maybe you can take advantage of those.

I hope your mom reacts well if you do tell her! I wish you the best of luck.

Dez