[Kate*]

So, you just throw out there that we're hiring for full-time, after telling me 3 times that I'm not eligible, but both of you absolutely LOVE me... Looks like we're having a conversation then. If that's the only reason, then I'll try before backing out, but I'm TERRIFIED of exactly what I'm afraid of happening and then it holding me back. I've been rejected SO hard SO many times, I almost don't want to risk it. I'm not asking for it to be handed to me by any means, but if I don't have a realistic shot at it, then I'm not going to waste my time or yours.

Whether I want it or not is irrelevant really. You've made it abundantly clear it's out of the question without that, and even if I did that, I wouldn't be good enough in the other ways. At least not enough to get it over someone else. It'll never happen, I'm not going to make you tell me; and I sure as hell am not going to bring it up or apply and waste both of our time, only for you to tell me by giving it to someone else. That doesn't mean I would expect it handed to me, just that I've been put through this shit so many times, I'm used to it and feel bad for the people who have to crush me.