[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

Hey,

I first want to say that none of this makes you a bad person. Gambling is definitely an addiction that a lot of people face, and it can be hard to break. You definitely have to be ready to make the change, but it can be possible to break the addiction. I know it's not as easy as deleting any gambling apps or blocking the websites from your browser. Is there anything you can do with your time instead of gambling, especially when you get the urge to do so? Even if it's just taking a walk so it's not as easy to gamble, replacing the gambling with other activities can help.

As far as finding people with common interests, I can't encourage illegal activity or anything like that and it may be hard to find people who are openly interested in that. But, do you have anything else you are interested in, such as video games or sports? There may be clubs or social groups in school or around town where you can find people who share healthy interests with you that you can eventually build a connection with. It's possible that someone will even turn into a potential romantic interest. However, I will say you can't rely solely on someone else for your happiness, as that will only lead to more hurt and heartbreak in the long run, for both parties involved.

I will honestly say that I think therapy could be very beneficial for you, not only for the gambling and suicidal ideation, but in general. A therapist specializing in addictive behaviors may be especially useful due to the issue with gambling, but a general therapist likely has some experience as well. The reason I say that is because some of the activities you are engaging in can be dangerous and life-altering in general, so it's best to try and nip those in the bud before there are serious consequences. They can help you change your thought patterns and help you develop different coping mechanisms that you can use when you are faced with difficult situations.

Sometimes we have to live for the small things. It can be something simple like a nice summer day or treating yourself to your favorite food. Let the small positives accumulate, because bigger things are coming your way. When we get into a rut like this it's easy to think that we will never dig ourselves out of that hole, but things can't stay bad forever. Our brains like lying to us and saying that things will stay bad forever. With effort, you can get through this.