[awfullhurt]

Hello I am 16 years old. I started gambling my own money which I made online ever since I was 13. I have been gambling for 3 years non stop. Past month has been more brutal than the others, am down 30k of my own money. Fortunately, I have not stolen or used any money from my parents to afford this addiction however every time that passes I regret my life even more as I have lost around 100k which could have gotten me out of my shithole. I also have no social life and often go through weird feelings on my stomatch. I have absolutely no one to talk to and figured I'd use this. I feel sadness /numbness and an urge to get a girlfriend that can support me emotionally with same interests as me . I feel tired constantly, my grades are complete shit and I barely make any money online anymore which is basically what used to interest me back when I was young. Honestly it is not gambling my main problem but the fact that I have no emotional support from anybody who's in my age who is also like me. It feels as if I will never be able to find somebody with same interests as me and i struggle to make connections with new people. I have been thinking to suicide for the past 6 months ( constantly ) and I feel as if I will for sure be gone within the next 3 years. I am very interested in criminal activities and wish to find a girlfriend with similar interests . I watched a show about a year which am madly obsessed with , nothing compared to murdering, mostly online fraud (extracurricular ). Idk why the fuck but I just feel like I need a girlfriend, my brain interprets emotional support with a girlfriend. I cant think of having a friend that can help me emotionally. I dont know what's wrong with me, I wanna die am tired af. That's it lmk if u can help me I need a reason to live .