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Hey,

I am so sorry to hear that you are watching your boyfriend go through substance use, an eating disorder, and also disrespectful family members. That is a lot for one person to deal with!

I think it's worth bringing up your worries to him, especially since there's something serious like substance use going on. The important thing is make sure you don't sound accusatory or like you're blaming him for anything, and I wouldn't make it sound like he doesn't know what he's doing. You can say "I noticed that there seems to be more alcohol/drug use when you are stressed or upset. I am worried about you and wanted to bring this up to make sure you are okay."

I can't say that he won't get defensive over this since some people do. He might feel upset at first, but the hope is that when things calm down a little bit he'll realize why you said what you did and why you are concerned. You're coming from a place of caring, you're not tying to get him in trouble. If he does want to talk more about it and decides he wants your support, maybe you can give him some ideas from this list of alternatives and coping mechanisms. These alternatives are used for addictive behaviors and are positive things he can do instead of use substances.