I don’t really know what to say, I’m not eloquent but I wanted you to know a random stranger believes in you. I’m proud of you for doing so much on the path of recovery, as it is a very rocky and steep path. Don’t feel guilty over your relapse as feeling bad and hopeless won’t help. Surround yourself with positive things (is this corny ???). The YouTuber Of Herbs And Altars struggled with several addictions and did self harm but are now recovered and they have advice on their channel.
PS : my post isn’t as impressive as Ennui’s but I wanted you to know that several people agree that you should be proud of yourself
Hope this helped and have a great day/night