[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

Hey,

I know it's tough, but you made it over a month! That's still excellent and something to be proud of. I know it doesn't feel like a long time, but any amount of time without self harm is great and should be considered an accomplishment, especially when you're struggling like that. You also did a great thing by trying to put your self harm tool in a hard to access place, even though it didn't work out. That shows that you're truly trying and putting the effort in. The thing with relapses though is that they're not permanent. They're a temporary blip, but they don't have to be forever. If you made it over a month, you can definitely make it longer, and eventually longer still! I'm not saying that it's easy by any means, don't get me wrong. It's something that takes time.

I don't think you're attention seeking or a faker. It's a way of coping, even though it's not a healthy method. And you're keeping it a secret, so it's hard to do it for attention when you're not telling anybody. Even if you did talk to people about it, though, there's a difference between talking about it for attention and talking about it to get support. You don't strike me as the type of person to actually be doing this for attention.

May I ask why you've hardly been able to talk to your therapist? Is it because you've not been able to make an appointment, or do you mean that you don't feel like you're verbally able to talk to them? If it's the latter, maybe you can write things out in the form of a letter or email you give to them, so that way nerves and interruptions don't get in the way. If it's the former, I'm sorry to hear that! Is there any way to get more sessions soon?

I mainly wanted to let you know that you're not alone in this. I know you can get through this. You're putting in the effort, and that effort will pay off.