[Moxie.]

Hey,

I'm really sorry that this is something that you're struggling with. I've personally struggled with my sexual identity in the past and I know how difficult that can be to grapple with. No matter what, the most important thing that I want you to know is that there is no shame in questioning either and that you are completely valid, no matter what your identity is. You are loved and you are important.

When I was in my teens, I went through a really similar struggle regarding my sexual orientation. I had friends who were boy-crazy and I always wondered why I couldn't be more like them. Instead, I had no interest in boys whatsoever and would just go along with whoever they said was cute to try to "blend in". It wasn't until I was 16 that I realized I was a lesbian. One thing that helped me reach that conclusion was to think about my future and try to picture myself dating a man. I tried to imagine it and think about whether or not I could really be happy in that life. Perhaps that's something you could try as well. You may also want to try to picture your future dating a girl and see what feelings that sparks in you. When you're ready to start dating, you can also try dating different kinds of people and see how you feel with each. It doesn't have to be anything serious. Sometimes something as simple as going on a date to a coffee shop or out to dinner can show you what level of interest you have in pursuing something further.

As far as your gender identity goes, perhaps you could experiment with different pronouns. I think your idea to use different pronouns online is a great start! It will help you figure out what you feel most comfortable with in a safe environment. Also, please keep in mind that you are never "stuck" with the first set of pronouns that you choose. If one set doesn't feel right, you can always switch to a different set and see how that feels. It's all about finding what makes you most comfortable and what feels most in line with who you are. When it comes to clothing, there are a number of different clothing options out there that may help you find your unique sense of style in a way that allows you to express your gender identity in the way that feels best to you. Because you mentioned that your home environment is not particularly supportive, I did want to mention one quick option: men's Hanes t-shirts. They're typically plain and come in a variety of colors. They pair really well with tomboy-style outfits, but are also pretty easy to feminize rapidly if you're in a situation where that becomes necessary. They were a lifesaver for me back in the day! Beyond that, I would recommend checking out the men's section of stores or websites, depending on where you shop. Even if you're not in a position to be able to purchase the clothes, you may be able to get a sense of the clothes that best fit your style. From there, you'll be able to work on building a collection.

It's totally normal to feel uncomfortable about your breasts and/or their size. If you're not able to utilize binders, sports bras can be a great option for minimizing the appearance of your breasts. I would recommend checking out compression sports bras, as those are designed to help flatten your breasts when worn. However, as with binders, please make sure not to wear them at all times, particularly when you're sleeping. If you choose to go the binder route, I would highly recommend doing research on brands and binder safety.

It's also totally normal to feel depressed around your period. It's a pretty common symptom of PMS, which affects a huge number of people who have periods. When you're experiencing that depression, is there anything that you can do in the way of self-care? I've learned that taking time for activities that help me relax really help with the depression aspect of it all. If possible, taking birth control is also a way to help mitigate some of those symptoms.

One last thing that I wanted to mention is the fact that you stated that you don't have a supportive family. I know firsthand just how painful that can be. I would highly recommend looking for communities, perhaps online, that offer safe spaces for LGBTQ+ individuals. Building a sense of community can be so beneficial as you navigate all of this.

At the end of the day, please remember that gender and sexual identities are fluid. There is no label that you give yourself that can't be changed down the line if you realize there is a different word that feels like a better fit to describe your experience. Give yourself the freedom to figure it out naturally and everything will fall into place.