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Hey,

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this! I've definitely been there and it's tough when you are questioning your sexuality and gender identity. I first want to say that it definitely is okay that you are questioning these, and there is no shame in it either. No matter who you are, you are amazing and you are loved.

I want to start out by saying that only you can make the ultimate decision about what sexuality and gender identity are. You are the person who knows you best, and it's whatever you feel the most comfortable with.

You said that you think guys are gross to you and you've never had a crush on one. Can you picture yourself ever dating a guy? If not, it may mean that you don't have sexual or romantic feelings towards guys. Can you picture yourself dating a girl, since you have crushes on them? It may point to you being a lesbian. When you're comfortable with entering the dating world it's okay if you try to date different people and see what you're most comfortable with.

As far as your gender identity goes, do you feel comfortable with saying that you're a girl/woman? One thing you can do, if you are able to do so safely, is experiment with different pronouns and ways of expressing your gender. For example, can you ask your friends to start calling you "he" or "they" if you think it would make you more comfortable? If you don't like it, you can always revert back. You said that you normally wear jeans, a T-shirt, and sneakers. Are there certain other clothes or types of outfits you'd want to wear that express your gender identity differently? Would you be allowed to cut your hair? People of any gender identity can have short hair and look great doing it!

There's something known as binders that can help reduce the appearance of breasts, if you're looking to appear more flat-chested when in public. This is an article that talks about binding safely. Binders can be found online. Do not bind with duct tape, ace bandages, or anything not approved as a binder as this can cause lung issues and even broken ribs. Remember you can't wear the binder 24/7, though, for example not to sleep or to exercise. But, this may help with some of the discomfort you feel. If you can't bind, maybe wear a sports bra and layer your clothes.

I don't know how old you are, but if you're a teenager you are definitely at a time of life where it's common for people to feel uncomfortable about their bodies. Everything is changing and hormones are all over the place. The teenage years can be rough. Try and list things that you do like about yourself that you can remind yourself about when you're feeling down on yourself. These can be both physical things (for example, "I like my eyes," or "I like my smile,") or other things, ("I like that I'm good at art." "I like that I care so much about others.")

I get the period thing too. I got my period when I was 11. I would get angry and depressed around my period. As an adult with mental illness, my mental illness gets exacerbated when I have a period. Birth control has helped me so much. As a teen, it helped keep me regular and would help regulate some of the hormones that were going through me. I eventually got on Nexplanon, which is an implant in the arm, and it stopped my period. There are several birth control options that can lighten or stop a period entirely, but this is a conversation to have with your doctor.

I hope this helps! Remember that you are not alone going through this.

Dez