[Everglow.]

Hey

Thank you for reaching out. It sounds like you're going through a lot right now and I'm sorry to hear that. Like Dez, I am very happy that you're here and able to write this thread. It might seem like a small victory given how bad things got, but you got through the urges to swallow those pills, and that's a success in itself so you should be proud that you've done that.

I think Dez has already given some really great advice. I think distractions and alternatives are really useful, such as grounding techniques and exercise. For me, it really helps to also have physical deterrents if I'm struggling and thinking of self harming. For example, making sure I am in a room with other people means I can't act on the urges I might be having. Is this something you could try in the future if you're worried about hurting yourself again? You could ask your friends or family to watch a movie with you, or even just go outside and be around others in a public space, like a park or library. This way you may also be able to distance yourself from the trigger itself in order to regain yourself a bit.

It might also be worthwhile being aware of the resources available to you if you are in a situation where you could be in legitimate danger because of your urges. If you are feeling like you may act on a suicidal thought, or an urge to self harm, there are a number of really great hotlines you could reach out to. You can find a list of some of them here. You can also make use of TH features like the chatroom.

The main thing is to know that you're not in this alone. You mentioned your parents, and it's great that you've identified reasons to stay alive. Perhaps you can keep a note of other reasons to keep going too and have them handy if ever you're considering hurting yourself. Then you can look over your reasons and remind yourself of why you're fighting this thing.

You are taking great steps already with your therapy and medication. If they aren't working quite right, Dez is right in that you should definitely let your doctor know so that they can figure out why and what else they can try. I know that sometimes it's really hard, but you are doing an amazing job of fighting this. Sometimes slip ups happen, and bad days really challenge you, but you got through this one, and you can absolutely get through more bad moments too.

Keep going and feel free to let us know if you need anything else.