[Everglow.]

Hey

Thank you so much for posting about what you're going through. It sounds like there's a few reasons why uni hasn't worked for you (yet), but mostly it sounds like your mental health has been preventing you from really succeeding at uni. There's absolutely nothing wrong with putting a hold on your studies to focus on your mental health. I went through something similar the first time I tried to get a degree, and ended up dropping out for a year myself. I know that it feels like a failure, but it isn't. There are sometimes things that need to take priority and your wellbeing is one of them right now.

I think it does make it 100 times harder to believe this when you're surrounded by the pressure of other people though. I'm sorry that you have to deal with people asking questions. It's really difficult when you feel like you don't match up to everyone else. It is true though that some people do study later than others. I went to university with somebody in their 30s, and when I went back to study the second time there were people who had retired. Just because you've had a hard time so far doesn't mean you wont get to where you want to be. It doesn't matter if you graduate on the first try, the fourth try, or the 10th. What matters is you're doing something which matters to you, and not negatively impacting your health along the way.

If family are asking about university over Christmas, perhaps you could just tell them you don't feel like talking about it right now. If it feels like they aren't respecting that, maybe see if you can take a bit of time away form them. Perhaps go for a short walk or take your gifts to your room and put things away for 10 minutes to let the moment pass. You could also try to navigate the problem by putting on a Christmas film or encouraging people to play a game together so that the conversation naturally moves away from your studies.

Most of all I just want to say that a persons ability to pass university or not does not equal their worth. I know lots of people my age and older who chose not to go to uni at all, and they're all living their lives anyway. They're good people, and very smart too, but uni wasn't for them. I also know people who did go to uni who have gone on to do entirely different things now, which don't use their degree at all. You're working hard on you and that's a full time job sometimes. You're worth so much regardless of your studying, and I hope you find a way to believe this about yourself.

If you ever want to talk please feel free to reach out again.