[Everglow.]

Hi Courtney

What you've been through sounds horrible and I am so sorry that you had to experience that. I'm glad he is locked away, but you're right in that it isn't fair for the people left behind dealing with the aftermath. It sounds like you are in hospital now, and the fact you felt safer there means you're doing the right thing. I hope you are able to get the help you need there.

You may not feel like you want to be alive right now but it's really good that you are. As much as it may not feel like it you will get through the other side of this. Try to use methods for coping when you are struggling. Grounding techniques may be helpful as they'll remind you that you are safe and secure and not in any danger. Try looking for things you can feel, see, smell, hear etc and focusing on them. For me, drinking very cold water and shaking my leg keeps me in the moment if I am struggling. Try something like this perhaps as it not only gives you something else to concentrate on, but may just stop you from acting on any negative feelings or impulses you have.

Finally, please don't ever blame yourself or think of yourself as useless for what happened. Abuse is always the fault of the abuser. You're not useless. You didn't deserve this. Perhaps you could try to tell yourself these things, even if you don't believe it all the time. You could write yourself notes and leave them where you're going to see them (e.g. on a mirror or the back of the door). You could also say it over in your head when you start to doubt it. Reinforcing that you're a good person and that you'll get through this might just help you to keep going.