[Everglow.]

Hey

I think what you're saying makes a lot of sense actually. If your brain is anything like mine it plans and lists every single thing and has subsections labelled 'just in case'. So I understand what you're saying.

I know it might be tough but if you're worried about those 'just in case' plans, perhaps you can try to view hospital as another 'just in case'. If the plans you have tucked away start to feel more like they are likely to happen, hospital is the new plan. I know it is scary. Nobody wants to be in hospital and there are millions of rational reasons you could talk yourself out of going. But if hospital is likely to help, don't push the idea away.

You're not failing by going to hospital. Imagine if people having heart attacks thought that by getting medical help, they were running away from their battles. It's not how it works. Hospital is part of the battle. It's another angle to tackle the problem from. It's not particularly enjoyable, but it's a valid way of treating this.

In a similar sense, a person who is having a heart attack may seem much more seriously ill than a person with a sprained ankle, but a hospital exists to help both problems. The treatment will look different, but it has to or else it wouldn't work. You don't have to be 'ill enough' to go and get help. If you are feeling like help is needed, then you should feel able to ask for it without feeling kind of like an imposter. Hospital should be a prevention as well as a treatment.

Whichever choice you make about going into hospital, make sure it is done with the intention of helping and not hindering. You deserve help as much as anybody else and you definitely don't deserve to feel like you're a threat to yourself. Keep fighting this.