[Mallika]

Hello there,

Thank you for sharing this with us and I'm sorry that this has been so tough.

First of all, I don't think you should be too hard on yourself. You both are pretty young (14 and 17) and it is natural that things like housework take time. Even people in their 20s and 30s find it a challenge to muster the initiative to do housework. If anything, I think it is commendable that you and your sister have taken up responsibilities at home in terms of housework since your mother is out at work.

I genuinely don't believe your mother truly means it when she says that she wishes she didn't have you all as family. Rather, it appears that she is under a lot of stress - and that doesn't have to necessarily do with you. Remember, she has returned to work after many years of being a housewife. That can be a stressful learning curve and tough as it is. Overall, her stress could originate from other sources, and cumulatively, could lead to her saying the things she says. At your age, unfortunately, there isn't much you can do about it. You're being responsible and helping out at home as much as you can, and it seems to me that you are playing your part as a family member very well. Likewise, your sister is just 14. We truly can't expect her to be prompt with housework or even homework at her young age.

Personally, I never bothered learning how to cook or wasn't that involved with housework until I was 19 and moved away for college (when I had to do these things on my own). Now, after many years of living mostly independently, cooking and cleaning are second nature to me. Likewise, when I was in my early teens, I don't think I was as serious about my studies. But after a few years I became more dedicated to my schoolwork and am currently in grad school, hoping to do a PhD in the future. By saying all this, I'm hoping to convey that nothing is stationary. You might feel that you and your sister are inadequate currently, but in fact, you're growing every single day. Think back to a year ago - I'm willing to bet that you have learned a skill or two newly as a result of these changes in household routine. You'll eventually gain efficiency and speed of doing housework; it will not happen overnight. As I mentioned before, it is already laudable that both of you are taking up the responsibility of housework when your mother is at work. Don't sell yourself short

However, I can understand your stress and concern about this. If possible, you might want to speak to your father about this and explain everything that is going on, as well as your feelings that you have expressed here. I'm not too sure what your dynamic is with him, but if he is able to understand where you're coming from, he might be able to speak with your mother. This might be less difficult than speaking to your mom directly about this matter.

Another very important thing is - you shouldn't have to feel that the onus is on you to "make [your] home life happier." Never. You're their child - even if you're the oldest sibling. It is not in your hands to feel like you have to "fix things" at home, especially your parents' happiness. They're mature adults capable of ensuring status quo at home. A 17-year-old doesn't deserve this kind of emotional strain and tension to keep everyone else in the family happy. Remember, you do you. Focus on your duties, be it schoolwork, hobbies, or helping around the house or taking care of your sister. You're not responsible for keeping the family's happiness levels stable. Again, I'm speaking from personal experience. A teenager or adolescent should not have to feel this burden when parents should be the ones ensuring a peaceful home environment.

Take care, and please feel free to drop another message in this thread (or even PM me!) if you'd like further clarification or if you have any questions