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Hey,

I'm sorry that you are going through all of this!

Since you experienced addiction before, what are some of the things that you wish you heard when you were struggling? It's great that you tell him you love him and try to be good parents, and I bet you are doing the best you can. But you have a different perspective with being a former addict. What are some things you wish you knew, wish you did, or wish you heard from others?

I know he's 18 so you can't force him, but do you think you can encourage him to get into therapy to talk about what is going on? It may be difficult for him to talk to his parents about things like this, so having a therapist would help because they're an unbiased source who won't judge and would keep things confidential. It may even help to have a family counseling session where you're able to talk to him with someone moderating the discussion. Or, it can help to talk to an individual therapist yourself who may be able to give you advice on how to handle things and also support for what you are going through as a parent.

You mentioned taking his car, and it's a good idea to think about whether or not you feel safe with him having his car if he is getting high and hiding drugs in it. It's in your name, and while I don't know a lot about the laws around that, you don't want anything to come back and bite you if he is stopped by the police, and I know that you don't want him to get into an accident or anything like that.

I don't know if this is possible due to confidentiality since he's 18, but do you think you could call his doctor up and let them know what's going on with him? If you still schedule his appointments for him it will be easier because you can tell him he has an appointment coming up, but if you don't schedule his appointments for him this may be a little harder.

He has to want to change before things get better, but keep talking to him and trying to get him to open up. He may get defensive at first, but ignoring the problem will only allow things to get worse. Make sure he knows that he is loved, but definitely don't enable his behavior.

I hope this helps, even a little. Know you're not alone.

Dez