[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

Hey,

I’m moving this to relationships and dating where I think you will get better advice.

Honestly this seems like an important issue that can make or break this relationship. This has to do with your values and what you believe in, and whether you’re willing to compromise on those values for the relationship. In this case the values have to do with your own personal feelings towards men and equality. I think the first step is determining whether this is a deal breaker for you or not. You’re right that it can be mentally draining when someone talks about hating men all the time. Even though she’s not abusive towards you and is pleasant when around other women, I think it’s important to determine whether or not you’re comfortable being in a relationship where someone hates the entire opposite sex, which seems to go against your values.

It sounds like you’ve talked to her about this already and she gets defensive. Unfortunately she won’t change her views until she’s ready to. You can talk to her and let her know that you are uncomfortable with her telling you about her hatred of men because you don’t find it to be right (or whatever other reasons) and let her know that you would prefer she didn’t talk about this subject with you. Even if it does have to do with her past, it’s a red flag to me. If you do talk to her, use “I statements” like “I feel ___ because ___” instead of “you statements” because I statements are less likely to make the other person defensive. She may be upset if you ask her not to talk about this, but your comfort is important too. You don’t deserve to be mentally drained all the time.

So my advice is to consider whether or not this relationship is worth continuing when she doesn’t seem willing to change her views at this time. If talking to her doesn’t go as planned, you may have an answer.

Best of luck,
Dez