[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]Hi i need to vent a bit...
I've been sh ing for a few months, since like december of last year. I dont remember what started it, but that ive been thinking about doing it ever since I was around 10-11..
my mom also did it when she was younger, and she had a harder upbringing than I did.
I've been through a few things, most of which i dont think are valid since they happened so long ago or didn't happen directly to me. She told me one time in an argument that my cuts weren't real or valid because I didn't do it deep enough. In her words, "People who don't sh for attention don't just skim the surface."
I dont know why but this caused me to relapse, and I havent really been able to get clean besides when I dont have access to sharp objects.
Ive tried the alternatives; ice, rubber bands, drawing on my arms, but none of them seemed to work. I think it's more the concept of knowing im destroying myself by doing it. And seeing the blood..
Everyone I know has had a harder life than me. My sisters, my parents, my friends, and yet I'M the one who does this. But it's like I can't stop. I feel invalidated when my scars fade. I feel invalidated if there's not blood.

I think something's wrong with me.
I know I'm hurting everyone around me, and yet I still do it.

But I can't stop hating myself.[/size][/color][/font]