[Ennui.]

I'm sorry to hear that this is what you are going through! You don't have anything to be embarrassed about.

Is it possible that he is nervous or anxious about his performance, and that is why he isn't able to stay hard? For example, if it happened once and now he's afraid of it happening again, it may be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Or, if he's stressed in general it could affect his ability to stay hard or ejaculate.

Perhaps it would help to spice things up in bed, with other positions or foreplay? Foreplay helps people get in the mood and stay in the mood, and new positions may spice things up a bit more and get both of you excited.

I know you said you can't discuss this with your boyfriend. Is it because you feel unsafe doing so, or because you're nervous? I know it's a tough discussion, but consider sitting down with him and letting him know that you're worried that you are doing something wrong. Ask him if the two of you can work together to try and fix what's going on.

Also know that there's no pressure with sex. Even if you don't orgasm, the intimacy and experience are what is important!