[NeuroBeautiful]

Hey there,

How are you feeling now that some time passed? I am going to respectfully disagree with the above users and say that no, this doesn't sound like normal conflict.

Yes, it is normal to have some conflict or tension in any relationship. It is called "rupture and repair". The thing is, both parties have to be emotionally safe for repair to happen. Based on your description if what happened, I get the sense that there's a lot of blaming, accusations and not taking responsibility on your mother's part. That is not a little miscommunication here and there. This is a verbal argument that lasted weeks of silent treatment followed by another argument.

Having said that, I am not here to freak you out or cause you to panic. I think that anyone whose brain is in reactivity mode is going to struggle to make clear headed choices. So the first step is to try come to a clear headspace.

Yes I do think it is important to speak to your mother and address what happened. I would not however put it in her hands to remain calm and respectful. You may want to prepare yourself to stand your ground and exactly what you want to say to her.

Try to be honest with her that her words and actions hurt your feelings. If she cannot be on the same page with you that she gave you silent treatment for a few weeks, that's a problem. Her needing space is one thing but days on end is not okay.

I would try to not be confrontational but at the same time I would mention that she hurt your feelings and how her words and actions made you feel.

Think of it as "I feel.....when you say/do....." Or " the message I get when....." Example is "The message I get when you dont talk to me for multiple weeks is that i dont matter and i have to look after myself. It makes it hard to trust. My concern is that by not speaking to me, i will have a harder time enjoying the event because i eill hsve to think about who can take me and I will be sad that my mother which was my first choice had declined to attend. If in the future, there are multiple days of you not speaking to me, I will have to find someone else to go with me to the event."