[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""][FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""][FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""][FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]Maybe you feel awful because you're having growing pains. Figuring out who you are and want to be, takes time. Sometimes it lasts into the 20s. Part of feeling awful is being human and being human means that we feel things. If we don't feel anything are we a blank void? Yeah, sometimes we probably could have more control over our emotions. That's true. A lot of hormones sort of cause some of these feels. Being a teen is challenging, though it's all something a lot of us go through, somehow we do, just like being born. It's better to let it out. Perhaps you'll find art. I've written poetry from time to time.
Yelling somewhere private, sometimes helps. Some people try martial arts? It does help with confidence.
Try not to beat yourself up, dear. Maybe try new things like putting your toes in a cold lake? I spend time alone a lot. Sometimes I long to spend time with others but It will happen when it does.
It's alright to fall down as long as you get up. My great grandfather said (I don't know it word for word) "You fall down, you get up, wipe the dust off your bum, and stick your nose in the air. I've had many hard moments, some moments so awful it feels like want to disappear (it's cringeingly embarrassing and agonizing). I try my best. Everyone's best is different. Sometimes I survive and sometimes I've been so tired of life, the hard work, mental and emotional exhaustion I want to sleep a thousand years. I find solace and contentment in nature. Trees and beautiful sunlight lighting the leaves in springtime, staring up into the branches, is breathtaking.
Lots of love[/size][/color][/font][/size][/color][/font]