[Storyteller.]

Hi Soda,

I'm so sorry for your loss. As the users above me said, there never really is a 'ready', no matter how long you've had your pet or how long you've known their time was coming. Unfortunately it's still going to be difficult, because Bubba was a part of your life and adjusting to his absence will take time and gentleness. Even if you weren't as close to him as other members of your family were, you were still a big part of his life and I'm sure he appreciated your presence.

Dogs don't hold grudges the way people do, so the times that you said he was bad or annoying won't have affected him they way they're still affecting you; it might take some time to forgive yourself for them, but I hope it helps to know that he wouldn't have held them against you. We all say things we don't mean sometimes, or things that we do mean but not in the way they came out (such as calling someone annoying when what we mean is that we're annoyed with them right that moment), but that doesn't make you a bad person or mean that you weren't good to your dog.

I've found that when we lose someone, whether it's a pet or a person, we often become acutely aware of things we took for granted - and our feelings about those things can abruptly change. Like you said, things that were once annoying become the things we miss the most, things that we barely noticed at the time become the ones we remember best. I'd encourage you to be open to these changes, allowing yourself to feel however you feel without judgement (or even action, if you're not ready for it - sometimes we just have to sit with our feelings before acting on them), and leaving room in your heart for those feelings to grow, develop, and eventually settle into more long-term forms (the kind of softer grief that you can still live with, rather than the intense, debilitating grief we often feel in the immediate aftermath of a loss).

I would also encourage you to reach out for help if and when you need it. Sometimes sharing memories or stories about a lost loved one can help, so you might want to talk to your mum or other family members about Bubba and his passing. It's also okay if you're not ready to talk about it yet, so be gentle with yourself if you feel less sociable or more withdrawn for a while. If you're not comfortable talking to someone about it, you could also write out your feelings - whether that's in the form of a diary, blog, letter, poem, or any other form you're drawn to. You could also think about things you might want to do to honour Bubba's memory, if you're so inclined, such as planting a tree, making a scrapbook or memorial, or maybe even donating to an animal shelter. However you want to grieve, as long as it's not harmful to yourself or others, is totally okay.

I hope this was helpful, and that the grieving process goes as smoothly for you as it can. Please feel free to reach out if you want to talk further about any of this or feel like you need more support or advice, and in the meantime I hope you're taking care of yourself during this difficult time.