[Taylah]

I don't know where im going with this so sorry in advance.

I have volunteered somewhere for 7 years. I recently had a breakdown where I was told I had to take a break coz volunteers can't be seen as struggling that bad. I hate it.
I also decided at that point if my anon posts are being watched im not going use it and I'm not going to hide my feelings. And overall I have improved... I don't get to the breaking point.
It's been 3 months and I have been told I have to be more okay than what I am. I have thought about suicide and self harm daily for years. And they have contact information and all that if they need it. But saying that outloud (in a post) isn't allowed. I'm scared if I stop I'll have another breakdown.
As it is, I'm not sure if I will be able to continue fighting these thoughts for much longer. But I don't want the riskvto go up either.