[Starseeker]

Every single day I consider what I have, and objectively I have a very good life: good people around me, enough money, many life skills, studying at university. But I don't feel good. I'm changing jobs and even university faculties constantly in chase of something that will give me happiness.

It's hard to say when that happened, but at one point in my life I started hating the idea of my future. Now, whenever I think of the future, I can see many dreams of mine, but they're always accompanied by an unshakeable conviction that they will never happen. My mind is absolutely sure that my future is only bleak, painted in dark colours, full of struggles and unhappiness.

This is very scary to notice, as are my thoughts of committing suicide. As long as killing myself even crosses my mind, I can't consider myself happy. I've tried psychotherapy and medication and other alternatives for years, why does nothing help? Why is it only getting worse, and if nothing has helped for years, how am I even supposed to have any hopes for the future?