I might differ from the rest of the pack here, but there is a film I like where a character is at her lowest and she tells her doctor that she doesn't see the point of anything anymore, including recovery. He tells her something I find important: he says that there is no point.

And there's not.

We don't get to decide why we live, or why we die, or why the world is the way it is. What we CAN decide is to create our own point. And honestly if you're gonna say there is a "point," it's that.

I don't know you, and I don't know your experience. Depression sucks, a lot, and it sounds like you're pretty low. You also seem like a pretty rational person, which I gather from the fact you decide to list advice you've gotten before on here, or perhaps elsewhere, and formulate a response. It's handy to ensure maybe you don't get repeat advice, but it also shows me you spend a lot of time thinking and ruminating. It also tells me you're probably pretty isolated, and isolation and rumination can worsen depression.

Feelings are a part of life. They serve biological imperatives, all of them. They are why we have survived as a species. Even the most logical person experiences emotions, and suppressing them will only screw you over in the long-run. I don't know why you're choosing to suppress them, but I am telling you it will end badly.

I'm not going to given you optimism, because it doesn't seem to work with you, and it honestly doesn't for a lot of people, including myself. So I'll give it to you straight-up: you have chosen not to die. Personally I feel this is a good choice, because I do believe everyone deserves to live a life they find worth living, and to experience all that life has to offer to the fullest. That point aside, that is your choice. If it is, I think acceptance would be most beneficial.

When someone has been in the position you appear to be in for so long, it's not easy to just start accepting and letting yourself feel your feelings. So instead, accept that you are choosing not to die. That's just that. You have chosen to live (again, the better choice out of those two options), so move forward and start building a live you find worth living. Make your point.

What you are doing now is not sustainable, so it will require change. Change is not easy, but it is essential to get out of your current predicament. But you cannot spend life simply existing, breathing and consuming and expelling nutrients and waste. No one can. So do something different. Even just a small thing. It will require challenging yourself, and probably challenging these emotions you are currently suppressing. But stop sitting and thinking. Rumination, like I said, is dangerous, and you obviously do a lot of it. Think less, and do more, even if it's a small thing. Doing is what will help you create your point, not thinking. If you're gonna be here, which I think you should be, make your time worthwhile.

As an addendum, talking with people and "happy pills" are not bad things. We need other people to survive; it's how we have survived as a species for so long. As for happy pills, they are simply synthetic chemicals that your brain is deficient in. That's it. Your brain is lacking the proper serotonin or dopamine, and they restore that to the normal levels you need to function. It helps, not harms, your body. Just like any other medical condition. If you're diabetic, you take insulin, for example. If you have thyroid issues you'd take something for that. Hell, even a healthy person needs to take vitamins to supplement their diet and nutrition, as most societies' current diets lack the proper range of nutrients. Ergo, it's okay to take medications for depression.

Basically, everything doesn't have to be terrible. You don't have to sit paralyzed in some purgatory where you don't want to live, but don't want to die. There is a way to live. You just have to make the choice to embrace it.