[TH Anonymous]

[SIZE="a"]Lately I've been struggling with my eating disorder. In all honesty my ED is the worst it's ever been. I've been having issues for a couple of months now and it's severely impacted my health. I am an adult and live on my own, so up until this point I have been able to hide what's going on from my mom and my stepdad. However, I was texting with my mom today and she suggested that next weekend we have breakfast or eat together.

This presents a bit of a problem. Part of what's going on with this episode is that I am very triggered by food in general. I feel anxious when I approach my own refrigerator. When I was briefly in a cafeteria the other week I had a panic attack. There's not way I can do a restaurant.

Before all this, though, my mom and I would have breakfast every other weekend or sp. It would be strange, if not a red flag, for me to decline. She came over to deliver dinner a week or so ago and she noticed I was thinner, so she might connect the dots (she knows I have an ED but didn't think that might be what's going on because it's been like three years since I've had trouble).

I realize I am probably going to have to tell her what's up. I just have no clue how to do that. I feel a lot of shame about what's happening, for reasons I won't get into. Normally I am fairly open with my parents (to an extent), but this time I have shut them out on purpose. I would love to have their support, but I don't know if that's the reaction I'd get. I sometimes feel my mom doesn't take my ED seriously because I am overweight, and because it's not usually a problem (I have an episode every few years). I am not sure how my stepdad feels about it. But this one is really, really bad, and different than my normal issues. I don't feel like I recover. I am quite depressed and feel stuck, and I am afraid to tell them that, too. But I know I probably should. I knew I would have to do it eventually, but I was hoping not this soon.

I just don't know what to do, and if I tell them I am worried my mom will insist I live with them or something, which I don't want at this time. She probably won't, but my anxiety kind of runs rampant right now.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I could really use some, because I have no idea how to approach this.[/size]