[Soda_Voxel]

I no longer have anyone to talk to about how I feel.
Friends, family...everyone I tell will just get upset and have their own mental health worsen if I tell them my problems. I know this because I've seen it multiple times. And I have no therapist and I doubt I will ever get one, and besides, it wouldn't help; what's seeing some doctor with a pen and paper once a week going to do for me?

It's just dawned on me that I'm going to have to keep my feelings bottled up for the rest of my life, save for the few poems I write or posts I make on here. I don't know how long I've got left but regardless if my life is long or short, the idea of me having to keep everything inside and put on a smile face for the rest of it is killing me. On top of everything I'm already going through, this is pushing me over the edge.

I am the worst I have ever felt in my entire life, and I am now completely alone for it. I feel weak, sick, scared, angry, self-hating, lonely, and in a lot of danger. But I have to keep everything inside because I don't want to hurt anyone, not any more than I already have.

But I'm so alone. So so so alone at the time I need it most. I don't even know if I want help. It just feels bad to not be able to scream everything out to the world. I at least want to be heard before I am gone or hurt. Even though that's not an option for me anymore, surely it makes sense for me to at least want it? even if i cant have it?

sorry if my writing is messed up, it's 1am and i can't stop crying and nothing makes sense right now and im too tired to correct anything.