[Soda_Voxel]

I keep making various plans in my head to do various stupid things, I don't want to go into detail but they'd hurt me one way or another, either physically or mentally. I'm really afraid I'm going to do something stupid, but I don't want to ask for help, because I want to do these things which is the bad part. I'm very scared of how casually I'm thinking of doing these things, as if it isn't bad at all. It almost feels as if I'm split into two people at the moment; half wanting to do dangerous harming things and the other wanting to be happy and safe.

I know I should ask for help. But the horrible part of me doesn't want me to be stopped. I imagine horrible things and even wrote a story of me hurting myself to try and let out my feelings, but it only made the plan more solid as I wrote it down in grave detail.

I'm just worried. I don't know which I'll do or when, but I feel as though I could do something some time and it makes me afraid.